A list

Ginger, thank you so so so so much for your comment on my last post! You can't imagine how encouraging it was to me.

I decided to listen to your council and make a list of things I have to do. I also put some little jobs on it, because I always find it motivating if I can do several things a day. It's so relieving to remove everything you did that day from your list and see it shrink and shrink.

Yesterday I finished one small paper for University, one I forgot to mention in the previous list of things to do. Now there's only the two big ones left. Last Monday I delved into reading some of the literature I collected for one of them. I decided to take one article with me to University each day, and read it on the train. I usually don't do nothing with the time I spend travelling. It's good to spend it usefull, and to have no need to feel guilty I wasted time.

Today I did four things from the list. One task for school (transcribing a 18th century handwritten document) and three small things I have been pulling off for a really long time, but that only took a few seconds to do.

I like working hard, because then I don't have time to think I actually don't like to work hard. Or maybe I do like it, but I have the bad habit of not being able to see the end of it anymore after a while, and then drown in my things to do list. Mostly that's because I'm not able to give myself some time just for me, to do things I take pleasure in, because I feel guilty for not doing anything usefull that's on my list. Lists work both relieving and stressing for me. I haven't found out yet what to do about it.

"And you certainly don't want to run yourself ragged."

So true...